Negatively Charged: Conflict
We’ve been primed since childhood on how to overcome adversity. Still, with deeper reflection as I mature, I’ve come to realize that many of the outcomes that have been coded as adversity are, in fact, disguised benefits of adversity.
Today, and really since December 2023, I have been experiencing a less-than-lucky season of life. While I am grateful for many of the highlights of these past nine months (like marrying my best friend), I am generally unsatisfied with a number of outcomes.
As a high achiever and risk-taking creative, I find myself on a plateau. I am equally putting myself in positions of elevation by striving to achieve the goal of upward mobility in many spheres of my life, but I still feel and sometimes fall flat, like I’ve reached my ceiling.
So, I’ve been reflecting on and trying to re-educate myself on redefining the outcomes of adversity that have historically been coded as unfavorable.
I am unlearning to relearn my definition of success and my subjective path to said success. And a reformed perspective of adverse outcomes will serve me well on my journey.
With that being said, over the next five days, there are five outcomes that I am reclaiming and coding as positive and beneficial outcomes of adversity rather than calling them negative results.
These outcomes are conflict, failure, rejection, solitude and discomfort. I will be sharing about my personal relationship with each and how I intend to or have started to re-claim and reframe their impact.
These are common outcomes of adversity that I’m sure we all identify with but I will be sharing about my personal relationship with each and how I intend to or have started to re-claim and reframe their impact.
“Nothing is given to man on earth - struggle is built into the nature of life, and conflict is possible - the hero is the man who lets no obstacle prevent him from pursuing the values he has chosen.”
Merriam-Webster defines conflict as “a fight: battle: or war and competitive or opposing action of incompatibles: antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons).”
As a screenwriter, I’ve been taught to create and embrace conflict, as it is central to writing a great story. However, I’ve always been conflict-averse outside of scriptwriting. I’ve never been open to understanding the benefits of conflict on my personal development, not just my character. However, I am poised to use conflict this season to fuel my life story.
I am growing more comfortable with the reality that conflict is inevitable. It is an integral part of the make-up of our world. Therefore, I’ve taken on the, “if you can’t beat it, join it” perspective where conflict is concerned. This shift in perspective is helping me refine my character and responses to adversity and negative stimuli, leading to significant personal growth.
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My first observation is that the recent conflict has enhanced my awareness. I have developed a heightened self-awareness and understanding of others, specifically those closest to me in proximity and relationally. Conflict is teaching me to pay greater attention to details in motives, actions, choice of words, and patterns of my own and others. For instance, I noticed that I default to defend myself when conflict arises.
Now, I am taking a less defensive and more passive stance, not because I don’t have the arsenal to eradicate the challenge but simply to prioritize my peace of mind and mental health. Anger is often the consequence of unresolved conflict, and I prefer to keep it at arm’s length than entertain it.
Conflict is helping me identify whether I am at war with a “what” or a “who” in any given situation while also allowing me to accept incompatibles, whether that is a thing or a person. Everything doesn’t have to be harmonious or in unison and while that isn’t pitch-perfect or an accepted reality it is a guaranteed reality that I usually do not have control over or the bandwidth for. Conflict is helping me to be more discerning and to choose my battles wisely.
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My second observation is that conflict has inspired me to think more critically and divergently about the rationale and the “why” behind the conflict. My creative gene naturally lets me think deeply, but more so on creative and artistic matters.
However, these internal and external conflicts I’ve been experiencing are helping me think about an isolated incident or issue or disappointment etc with a more analytical lens and from varying perspectives.
This is difficult for me (and I imagine most of us) because I often believe my perspective supersedes most. Yet, even in cases where I know I am right or where I am confident I was wronged, the diverse and critically thinking afforded by conflict has also introduced humility, an added positive/benefit.
In short, conflict is helping me identify root causes and extend empathy (for myself and others I find myself conflicted with) rather than allowing my pride to have the last say, even when I would be justified. This emphasis on empathy is fostering a sense of compassion and understanding in my conflict resolution process.
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My third and final observation is loosely linked to the second. Conflict is helping me sharpen my problem-solving and decision-making skills when maneuvering opposition and incompatibles. This process is empowering me to handle conflict and other negatively coded outcomes of adversity with tact and strategy, enhancing my sense of capability.
Through conflict, I am learning how to approach a situation more tactfully and strategically. Not eliminating or ignoring the tangible emotions and feelings brought on by conflict but relying more on logic and Godly wisdom as opposed to allowing feelings and an emotional response to dictate how I respond verbally or behaviorally.
I’m starting to understand that the mathematical principle of a negative multiplied by a negative equals a positive, which isn’t exclusive to the STEM world. By pairing adversity with the “negative” outcome of conflict, I have gained positive insights and learned valuable lessons I intend to continue applying on my journey. Tomorrow, I’ll break down failure and explain how I’ve decided to reclaim and reframe its impact on my beautiful struggle this season.
