End of an Era
As 2023 comes to a close, I’m reminiscing on the highs and lows. I had many awe-inspiring story-esque celebration moments and some dark days that led to a quarter-life existential crisis. Nonetheless, 2023 was more memorable than not, so I’m grateful.
One of my favorite authors, Zora Neale Hurston, wrote, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer them.” As I reflect, 2023 has been a year of answered prayers, answers that led to clearer understanding, answers that unlocked wisdom and insight, and answers that inspired some new questions. In April of this year, I turned thirty. In these thirty years, life has been a haunted house, a rom-com, and still an absolute thrill.
So, instead of writing a traditional yearly recap, I decided to close out 2023 with 30 lessons I’ve learned over the last thirty years (30 years and eight months) as I ended the chapter on my roaring twenties. Cheers to the end of an era and new beginnings:
1. I value all my multiple identities; identifying as multiple things adds more flavor to life’s experiences. I am unapologetically Black, Christian, female, millennial, genius…all the things. One of my most cherished markers is being Jamaican. Yet, being Jamaican in an anti-immigrant nation has been the hardest to navigate. We don’t talk enough about the migrant experience of never being enough and existing in this in-between space. To Jamaicans, I’m not Jamaican enough; to many Americans, I’m not really American. So, one of my lowest moments this year was becoming a US Citizen after many years as a Permanent Resident. I felt a real pain I didn’t expect when “giving up” my Jamaican citizenship. I tried to find the lesson in all this but couldn’t, so please share if you find one. Protoje ft. Chronixx - Who Knows
2. Reading really is fundamental. It is essential to understanding, knowledge, wisdom, language, and effective communication. I pray we never stop reading.
3. My buddy, Horace (pen name: J. Wesley, IG: @writehiswrongs), wrote, “Love isn’t blind. It’s extremely forgiving,” I’ve never read a more real thing. I’ve had my heart broken once, and though I saw all the red flags, I chose to forgive them over freeing myself every time until the last time. CeeLo Green ft. Melanie Fiona - Fool for You
4. The older I get, the more I understand Solomon’s 12-chapter rant summing up life as “vanity, chasing after wind and vexation of spirit.” Life is complicated, and if I may be honest, it is mostly tragic (ugh, the news blows my mind), yet there is always a glimmer of hope to be found somewhere. So, I dare not take it too seriously (at least trying not to). Speaking life and finding peace, balance, and joy in the simple things is the secret to living well. Damian “Jr. Gong” Marley - Speak Life
5. In my years as an athlete and dancer, I learned the difference between strength and endurance training. In sports, you train for both. As a performing arts company member, the emphasis is on endurance. Life is more like sports, though. It serves us well to train for mastery of both because life tests our stamina and ability to endure. This year, I wrote and delivered my grandmother’s eulogy. At that moment, I needed strength and endurance. She was my best friend and closest ally, especially in my rebellious teenage years; when nobody else understood me, she did. May she continue to rest peacefully. May those of us in the land of the living encounter fewer moments that require strength and endurance. Doing both takes a toll. James Taylor - Shower the People
6. Talent and natural ability just aren’t enough. I survived on my natural ability to do extraordinarily well for several years. I was satisfied doing the bare minimum because my bare minimum was many other’s ceilings. Eventually, I had to dedicate real strategy, make sacrifices, and ‘do the most’ to get what and where I wanted. It was challenging and still is, but if showing up for myself costs something, I will always pay the price to bet on myself. Koffee - Gifted
7. Consistency and character are essential. Consistency helps us get there, and character helps us stay there.
8. In most cases, we get out what we invest. Sometimes, though, we can put in everything and get nothing. Other times, we put in nothing and get everything. Learn to flow whichever way the pendulum swings and accept that life isn’t and will never be “fair.” It rains on the just and the unjust (because God is fair). Jonathan McReynolds - God is Good
9. Everyone is deserving of kindness. Yes, even [them]. This life hack isn’t stressed enough because we believe our compassion is for [their] benefit when it’s for ours. I wish I learned this in my late teens or early twenties. I was a hard rock when I needed to be a gem. Lauryn Hill - Doo Woop (That Thing)
10. Time is our most valuable currency and resource. No wonder the attention economy is consistently on the rise and is so lucrative. We must be careful not to hoard it or spend it frivolously. Woman Evolve Worship - One Time God
11. Love…is a Rubik’s cube. India Arie - Ready for Love
12. As an only child to a single mother, I first experienced God as Father, then as a provider. From age 6 to 16, I got to know him more as a big brother. From 17-24, I knew him as protector and judge cuz sis was wild’n. In the last five years, 25-30, he became my best friend, confidant, source of creativity, and everything else in between, above, around, and beneath. Kirk Franklin - You Are
13. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Or maybe obedience is sacrifice.
14. We are all hypocrites. All are biased and prejudiced. While I continue to champion social justice and impact, I’ve learned that I’ve wasted time defending my position in moments when I should have addressed my hypocrisy, biases, and prejudices. In our quest to change the world, may we also be open to ‘killing our darlings,’ the perspectives and beliefs we hold so dear that have actually kept us closed off from seeing through a different lens. John Mayer - Waiting On the World to Change
15. Change…is inevitable. Seal - A Change Is Gonna Come (best cover)
16. At any moment, we simultaneously live in the past, present, and future. I’ve learned to live in such a way that my past won’t haunt me, my present won’t be too complicated, and my future will be secure. (When I wrote this, it felt like an original thought, but reading it back, it feels like I heard or read this somewhere. In any event, none of us have an original thought since there is nothing new under the sun. So, if you know where this came from, let me know). Damian Marley - Time Travel
17. I (we) contain the multitudes, yet I (we) am now and always will be a flawed human. Kierra Sheard-Kelly - Human
18. A professor told me ages ago, “Never be the most competent person in the room. There is nothing to be gained there,” it has stuck with me since. I’ve been the smartest in a room, and I was bored. That woman never told a lie.
19. I would rather be a helper than a mercenary. It feels better, and the reward is greater (eventually).
20. Everything comes down to a choice or decision. Choose well. God restores the years, but I promise some decisions can alter an entire season’s trajectory if we don’t course correct. Hezekiah Walker - Calling My Name
21. When the Hunger Games film series came out, I was 19. I identified with Katniss Everdeen because, like the character, I’m stubborn, rebellious, radical, and non-traditional in most cases. These traits, uncontained, haven’t always served me well, but maturity is teaching me how to make these traits an asset and not a liability. Also, being charming hasn’t helped either, but that’s another story.
22. Heartbreak isn’t just a euphemism or figure of speech. It’s tangible shattering and emotional turmoil that really hurt. My heart muscles have grown weaker and stronger from the adversity of unrequited love. Lila Ike - Solitude
23. I really am content making up stories for a living. There’s just something about filmmaking that I cannot resist. Now, I just need to start making a living.
24. I enjoy growing older. I’ve been 5’5 all my life (since age 12), pretty much have the same face, and have remained the same fundamentally, but I cannot deny there has been some changing for the better (growth) that I’ve fallen in love with. Doe - I Try
25. It doesn’t get any better than Jesus. Jonathan McReynolds - My Truth
26. Be an obsessive learner. May we also remember to do some unlearning as we continue to learn.
27. I deserve to be here. I’ve earned it. In cases where deserved and earned are too presumptuous, God’s favor validates my presence here. “Here” is a surrogate for all the places and spaces where I’ve felt insecure, inadequate, unqualified, unwelcomed, and unseen. Donald Lawrence - God’s Favor
28. Mentorship is crucial to success. I’m so grateful for the mentors who helped me on my journey of becoming. The few older men, my mom, other older women, and the big sisters who didn’t mind grooming a friend 5 or 10 years younger. It takes a village to get the (wo)man off the island. I hope to do the same for others. Chronixx - Legend
29. In my 30 years alive, I can count the number of times I’ve mourned to tears. Three of those times were for people I never met: MJ, Chadwick Boseman, and Kobe Bryant. I cried because their work greatly impacted me. I want to make such an impact in my waking days that in death, both those who knew me well and those who didn’t feel blessed to have experienced my gifts. That’s fulfilling one’s purpose. That’s legacy.
30. Avoidance behavior is counterproductive. The easiest best way to get over fear or anxiety is to confront and face the issue/circumstances. When I started driving, I feared driving over bridges but living in New York City meant driving over bridges regularly. Getting from point A to B (across the boroughs) meant confronting my fear. I still get freaked out seeing nothing but water underneath me, but driving over bridges no longer has the same effect. Exposure and confrontation normalize and strengthen (I might have read or heard this last line somewhere, maybe in a TED Talk). Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge over Troubled Water
Suppose you’ve read it this far. Thank you for allowing me to share my heart and some of the lessons these three decades have taught me. I hope you can find value in everything I’ve shared and the songs. These songs, and the ones I couldn’t think of, are all a part of my one-score and ten-years soundtrack. For the thoughts, I couldn’t find songs to match; if you think of any, let me know. May your 2024 be blessed beyond measure!
Grace and peace, Friends.
